Improving Your Communications

Article by Tiffany J. Norwood

When one of my daughters was a senior in high school, she did not do well enough in Spanish to pass the class. Her dilemma was rectified when she took another class at the nearby community college to make up the credits. To my surprise, she enrolled in American Sign Language. I thought that was cool, given that when I was in the third grade, a few friends and I taught ourselves the entire ASL alphabet.

During the class, her assignment was to practice what she had learned. There were nights where certain Starbucks locations hosted evenings for people who were deaf. We attended two of them and had a blast! I watched her have full conversations with the people we had met, and it was fulfilling to show someone my name and to understand theirs. It was a blessing to attend those events, joyful and enlightening, something good that came out of what previously did not work out.

Being in the business of advocating, educating, and encouraging healthy relationships, my daughter’s navigation of high school is an excellent example of how problems can come to a fair resolution. When a person uses American Sign Language, it is obvious and imperative that they be attentive and aware—especially for those who read lips. They must focus and pay attention because if they look away or get distracted they will miss a piece of information.

One of the main aspects of a healthy and positive relationship is clear and effective communication. Communication is a vast subject; therefore, I want to encourage one thing that you can do today to improve how you communicate. It relates to what I have observed through our experience with people who are deaf.

It is simple. Instead of texting, make a connection. Pick. Up. Your. Phone. Dial the number, sit, relax, and listen to it ring. The goal is to hear a voice, have a verbal conversation, and learn something new. If they do not answer, leave a voice message: “Your call is very important to me.”

You see, technology today is a helpful tool that is beyond beneficial to us. On the flip side of that, it seems that technology has been unconsciously used as a tool to manipulate, stagnate, and it can ruin communication.

Why would you want to wait and wonder why someone didn’t text back? How annoying is it when someone does not respond to a simple text message? What about when someone types the equivalent of a novel in their text message? Oh, or when you ignore something that was said when the other person needed to feel understood and then you text back with something you want or something totally off

Everyone understands the whole dynamic behind the answers to these questions, and of other similar scenarios. It is understood that verbal and face-to-face communication can become as frustrating as texting, which is why you may feel safer behind text messages. However, when you neglect to work on and to improve your verbal face-to-face communication skills, you will continue to face challenges via text.

Beneficial texting depends on how well you know the other person, and how well they know you. Is your relationship already safe, healthy, and successful? If not, start with verbal and face-to-face conversations. This is especially true for business owners because building good relationships is imperative. For example, I received a text from someone I barely knew. After I responded that I was fine, she asked me to help her with her business. She did not take the time to build a relationship with me, and I felt used. This is? Communication 101, and some people miss the point by relying on text communication when it is inappropriate.

The solution to arrive at successful text messaging is to develop healthy communication prior to texting. Let the deaf offer some wisdom here: Are you attentive and aware? Do you and the other party feel understood, and respected? Do you feel loved, trusted, and supported? Can you speak to one another without raising your voices or yelling? Is your tone normal and calm? If those things are not in place, it would then be best to re-evaluate the relationship…given there was an actual relationship in the first place.

Tiffany J. Norwood is the founder and CEO of Your Emotions Matter. She is an emotional intelligence expert, author, certified NLP practitioner, and transformational speaker. www.youremotionsmatter.com